Our song of the day for October 16th, 2019 is Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb” as performed by David Gilmour in 2006 at the Royale Albert Hall.
On October 16th there are 66 days until the first day of winter.
There are 77 days until New Year’s Day.
There are 137 days until the first day of spring.
There are 227 days until the first day of summer.
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- British top 20 funniest new Christmas cracker jokes for 2020by firstname.lastname@example.org on December 25, 2020 at 12:00 pm
The TV channel Gold’s eighth annual ranking, which is chosen by a panel chaired by the comedy critic Bruce Dessau, was put to 2,000 UK voters. Check out top 20 jokes. 1. Q: What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song? A: Driving Home for Christmas 2. Q: Did you hear that production was down at Santa's workshop? A: Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate! 3. Q: Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? A: All Virgin flights were cancelled 4. Q: Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? A: They have herd immunity 5. Q: Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? A: Because the "Arrrr!" rate had risen 6. Q: Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? A: Because eventually, it's behind you 7. Q: Why couldn't Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? A: Because there was no Zoom at the inn 8. Q: Why can't Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? A: He doesn't know how many tiers it should have 9. Q: What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? A: They put on a super spread 10. Q: Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? A: Home Alone 11. Q: How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly? A: Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail 12. Q: Why won't Santa lose any presents this year? A: He's downloaded Sack and Trace 13. Q: How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas? A: It'll take ages to flatten the curve 14. Q: How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year? A: Fine. No sweat 15. Q: Why wasn't Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials? A: Because they only wanted guinea pigs 16. Q: Which government scheme supports Christmas dinner? A: Eat Sprout To Help Out 17. Q: How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year's staff Christmas party? A: Put him on mute 18. Q: How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited? A: He keeps a logbook 19. Q: Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas? A: Marcus Rashford 20. Q: Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem? A: Because they couldn't book a home delivery #joke #christmas Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net
- 22 Latest Christmas cracker jokesby email@example.com on December 25, 2020 at 11:58 am
What do you call an old snowman?A: Water Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?A: A Christmas Quacker! Q: What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?A: Lost Q: Why is the government like ancient Bethlehem?A: It takes a miracle to find three wise men there. Q: Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys?A: Carbon footprints Q: Which of Santa's reindeer has the best moves?A: Dancer! Q: What do you get if you put a bell on a skunk?A: Jingle smells Q: Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?A: They were two deer. Q: What athlete is warmest in winter?A: A long jumper! Q: What happens to elves when they are naughty?A: Santa gives them the sack! Q: What do you call a deer who can’t see?A: No eye-deer! Q: What is the best Christmas present?A: A broken drum, you can't beat it! Q: How does Christmas Day end?A: With the letter Y! Q: What do you call Father Christmas on the beach?A: Sandy Claus! Q: Who delivers presents to cats?A: Santa Paws! Q: What says Oh Oh Oh?A: Santa walking backwards! Q: Why can’t Christmas trees knit?A: Because they always drop their needles! Q:How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?A: On the dark side! Q: What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?A: Santa going through a revolving door! Q: What did the sea Say to Santa?A: Nothing! It just waved! Q: What do you call a dog who works for Santa?A: Santa Paws! Q: What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers?A: St Nickerless #joke #christmas Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net
- 26 funny new Thanksgiving jokesby firstname.lastname@example.org on November 26, 2020 at 11:56 am
Q: What happens when you're too harsh on cranberries and make them sad? A: They turn into blueberries. Q: What's the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving? A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day. On Election Day, you get a turkey for four years. Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: It was Thanksgiving Day and he wanted people to think he was a chicken! A first grade class was asked to write a paragraph called "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving." Little Johnny's began, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey." Q: When did the Pilgrims first say, "God bless America?" A: The first time they heard America sneeze. Q: What do you call Thanksgiving if you're selfish? A: Thanks-taking. My husband doesn't think housework is a full-time job. So for Thanksgiving, I served him a raw turkey because revenge is a dish best served cold. Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field on Thanksgiving Day? He wanted to raise mashed potatoes. Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A: A turkey that can pluck itself! Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where's popcorn? Q: What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? A: God save the kin. Q: What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day? A: Quack! Quack! Q: Which part of the turkey do drummers prefer? A: The drumstick, or course! Q: What's the main ingredient in Thanksgiving bread? A: May-flour! Q: Where's the only place that Christmas comes before Thanksgiving? A: In the dictionary! Q: What's a pumpkin's favorite sport? A: Squash! Q: What do you call it when it rains turkeys? A: Foul weather! Q: What sound does a turkey's phone make? A: Wing, wing. Q: What's the smallest unit of measurement in the pilgrim cookbook? A: Pilgram. Q: How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving? A: He was very thinkful. Q: Why did the Pilgrim eat a candle? A: He wanted a light snack. Q: Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner? A: He lost track of thyme. Q: Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? A: To try to hatchet. Q: Why do turkeys lay eggs? A: Because if they dropped them, they would break. Q: If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from? A: A poul-tree. Q: What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on a hill? A: An eggroll. #joke #thanksgiving Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net
- 20 fresh jokes for Thanksgiving 2020by email@example.com on November 26, 2020 at 11:55 am
Q: What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving? A: The G. Q: Why did the turkey refuse dessert? A: He was already stuffed. Q: The day after the holiday, what did the fridge say when it was asked, "Is everything al-right over here?"? A: "No, everything is all left-over here!" Q: Why was the turkey asked to join a band? A: He could bring his own drumsticks. Q: If Pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on? A: Scholar ships. Q: What don't you want to wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A: A white shirt or high-waisted pants. Q: What do you call the age of a Pilgrim? A: A pilgrimage. Q: What kind of key can't open doors? A: A tur-key. Q: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey? A: He sensed fowl play. Q: What happened to the turkey that got in a fight? A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him! Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? A: Finally enough drumsticks for everyone at Thanksgiving. Q: Why does this Native Indian chief put on a lot of feathers? A: To help keep their wigwam. Q: What is the real key to the perfect thanksgiving dinner? A: The turKEY. Q: On which side the turkey has got the majority of feathers? A: The outside. Q: How will you make the turkey float? A: You will need a few root beer, two scoops of delicious ice cream, and the turkey. Q: Is it possible for the turkey to jump higher than the Empire State Building? A: Yes, because a building cannot jump anyway. Q: What is the type of vegetable that you would like on this Thanksgiving? A: Beets me! Q: What is the type of potatoes that go oui-oui-buzz-buzz? A: French flies. Q: Why do the cranberries change red? A: When they saw the turkey dressing! Q: At what time the turkey soup can be bad for yourself? A: In case if you are that turkey! #joke #thanksgiving #beer Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net
- 17 new Thanksgiving jokes for 2020by firstname.lastname@example.org on November 26, 2020 at 11:53 am
Q: What happens when cranberries get sad? A: They turn into blueberries. Q: Why was the soup at Thanksgiving so pricey? A: It had 24 carrots. Q: What kind of 'tude is appropriate at the family dinner? A: Gratitude. Q: Why was the turkey put in jail? A: The police suspected fowl play. Q: What's Frankenstein's favorite Thanksgiving dish? A: Monster mash potatoes and grave-y. Q: Why did Mom's turkey seasoning taste a little off last year? A: She ran out of thyme. Q: What did the Pilgrim wear to dinner? A: A (har)vest. Q: What can you call your brother who falls asleep after dinner? A: Your napkin. Q: What did the salad say to the butter who kept making jokes? A: You're on a roll. Q: What's a running turkey called? A: Fast food. Q: Who should you invite to your Friendsgiving? A: Your close group of Palgrims. Q: Why did the turkey bring a microphone to dinner? A: He was ready for a roast. Q:On Thanksgiving, what does Dad have in common with an exhausted baseball player? A: They're both likely to fall asleep between plates. Q: What's one thing that you'll have in common with a teddy bear on Thanksgiving? A: You'll both be filled with stuffing. Q:How can you unlock the greatest Thanksgiving experience ever? A: By making sure to bring the tur-key. Q: With Coronavirus being a possible concern this year, what's likely to be the most popular side dish? A: Masked potatoes. Q: Why were the beans accused of being jealous of the other side dishes? A: They were so green. #joke #thanksgiving Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net