Song of the day October 16th, 2019 Comfortably Numb

The TV channel Gold’s eighth annual ranking, which is chosen by a panel chaired by the comedy critic Bruce Dessau, was put to 2,000 UK voters. Check out top 20 jokes. 1. Q: What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song? A: Driving Home for Christmas 2. Q: Did you hear that production was down at Santa's workshop? A: Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate! 3. Q: Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? A: All Virgin flights were cancelled 4. Q: Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? A: They have herd immunity 5. Q: Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? A: Because the "Arrrr!" rate had risen 6. Q: Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? A: Because eventually, it's behind you 7. Q: Why couldn't Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? A: Because there was no Zoom at the inn 8. Q: Why can't Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? A: He doesn't know how many tiers it should have 9. Q: What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? A: They put on a super spread 10. Q: Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? A: Home Alone 11. Q: How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly? A: Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail 12. Q: Why won't Santa lose any presents this year? A: He's downloaded Sack and Trace 13. Q: How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas? A: It'll take ages to flatten the curve 14. Q: How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year? A: Fine. No sweat 15. Q: Why wasn't Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials? A: Because they only wanted guinea pigs 16. Q: Which government scheme supports Christmas dinner? A: Eat Sprout To Help Out 17. Q: How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year's staff Christmas party? A: Put him on mute 18. Q: How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited? A: He keeps a logbook 19. Q: Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas? A: Marcus Rashford 20. Q: Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem? A: Because they couldn't book a home delivery #joke #christmas Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

What do you call an old snowman?A: Water Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?A: A Christmas Quacker! Q: What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?A: Lost Q: Why is the government like ancient Bethlehem?A: It takes a miracle to find three wise men there. Q: Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys?A: Carbon footprints Q: Which of Santa's reindeer has the best moves?A: Dancer! Q: What do you get if you put a bell on a skunk?A: Jingle smells Q: Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?A: They were two deer. Q: What athlete is warmest in winter?A: A long jumper! Q: What happens to elves when they are naughty?A: Santa gives them the sack! Q: What do you call a deer who can’t see?A: No eye-deer! Q: What is the best Christmas present?A: A broken drum, you can't beat it! Q: How does Christmas Day end?A: With the letter Y! Q: What do you call Father Christmas on the beach?A: Sandy Claus! Q: Who delivers presents to cats?A: Santa Paws! Q: What says Oh Oh Oh?A: Santa walking backwards! Q: Why can’t Christmas trees knit?A: Because they always drop their needles! Q:How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?A: On the dark side! Q: What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?A: Santa going through a revolving door! Q: What did the sea Say to Santa?A: Nothing! It just waved! Q: What do you call a dog who works for Santa?A: Santa Paws! Q: What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers?A: St Nickerless #joke #christmas Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Q: What happens when you're too harsh on cranberries and make them sad? A: They turn into blueberries. Q: What's the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving? A: On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day. On Election Day, you get a turkey for four years. Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: It was Thanksgiving Day and he wanted people to think he was a chicken! A first grade class was asked to write a paragraph called "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving." Little Johnny's began, "I am thankful that I'm not a turkey." Q: When did the Pilgrims first say, "God bless America?" A: The first time they heard America sneeze. Q: What do you call Thanksgiving if you're selfish? A: Thanks-taking. My husband doesn't think housework is a full-time job. So for Thanksgiving, I served him a raw turkey because revenge is a dish best served cold. Why did the farmer run a steamroller over his potato field on Thanksgiving Day? He wanted to raise mashed potatoes. Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo? A: A turkey that can pluck itself! Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where's popcorn? Q: What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? A: God save the kin. Q: What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day? A: Quack! Quack! Q: Which part of the turkey do drummers prefer? A: The drumstick, or course! Q: What's the main ingredient in Thanksgiving bread? A: May-flour! Q: Where's the only place that Christmas comes before Thanksgiving? A: In the dictionary! Q: What's a pumpkin's favorite sport? A: Squash! Q: What do you call it when it rains turkeys? A: Foul weather! Q: What sound does a turkey's phone make? A: Wing, wing. Q: What's the smallest unit of measurement in the pilgrim cookbook? A: Pilgram. Q: How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving? A: He was very thinkful. Q: Why did the Pilgrim eat a candle? A: He wanted a light snack. Q: Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner? A: He lost track of thyme. Q: Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? A: To try to hatchet. Q: Why do turkeys lay eggs? A: Because if they dropped them, they would break. Q: If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from? A: A poul-tree. Q: What do you get when a turkey lays an egg on a hill? A: An eggroll. #joke #thanksgiving Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Q: What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving? A: The G. Q: Why did the turkey refuse dessert? A: He was already stuffed. Q: The day after the holiday, what did the fridge say when it was asked, "Is everything al-right over here?"? A: "No, everything is all left-over here!" Q: Why was the turkey asked to join a band? A: He could bring his own drumsticks. Q: If Pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on? A: Scholar ships. Q: What don't you want to wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A: A white shirt or high-waisted pants. Q: What do you call the age of a Pilgrim? A: A pilgrimage. Q: What kind of key can't open doors? A: A tur-key. Q: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey? A: He sensed fowl play. Q: What happened to the turkey that got in a fight? A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him! Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? A: Finally enough drumsticks for everyone at Thanksgiving. Q: Why does this Native Indian chief put on a lot of feathers? A: To help keep their wigwam. Q: What is the real key to the perfect thanksgiving dinner? A: The turKEY. Q: On which side the turkey has got the majority of feathers? A: The outside. Q: How will you make the turkey float? A: You will need a few root beer, two scoops of delicious ice cream, and the turkey. Q: Is it possible for the turkey to jump higher than the Empire State Building? A: Yes, because a building cannot jump anyway. Q: What is the type of vegetable that you would like on this Thanksgiving? A: Beets me! Q: What is the type of potatoes that go oui-oui-buzz-buzz? A: French flies. Q: Why do the cranberries change red? A: When they saw the turkey dressing! Q: At what time the turkey soup can be bad for yourself? A: In case if you are that turkey! #joke #thanksgiving #beer Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net

Q: What happens when cranberries get sad? A: They turn into blueberries. Q: Why was the soup at Thanksgiving so pricey? A: It had 24 carrots. Q: What kind of 'tude is appropriate at the family dinner? A: Gratitude. Q: Why was the turkey put in jail? A: The police suspected fowl play. Q: What's Frankenstein's favorite Thanksgiving dish? A: Monster mash potatoes and grave-y. Q: Why did Mom's turkey seasoning taste a little off last year? A: She ran out of thyme. Q: What did the Pilgrim wear to dinner? A: A (har)vest. Q: What can you call your brother who falls asleep after dinner? A: Your napkin. Q: What did the salad say to the butter who kept making jokes? A: You're on a roll. Q: What's a running turkey called? A: Fast food. Q: Who should you invite to your Friendsgiving? A: Your close group of Palgrims. Q: Why did the turkey bring a microphone to dinner? A: He was ready for a roast. Q:On Thanksgiving, what does Dad have in common with an exhausted baseball player? A: They're both likely to fall asleep between plates. Q: What's one thing that you'll have in common with a teddy bear on Thanksgiving? A: You'll both be filled with stuffing. Q:How can you unlock the greatest Thanksgiving experience ever? A: By making sure to bring the tur-key. Q: With Coronavirus being a possible concern this year, what's likely to be the most popular side dish? A: Masked potatoes. Q: Why were the beans accused of being jealous of the other side dishes? A: They were so green. #joke #thanksgiving Read more on page http://www.jokesoftheday.net